


i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time

by drippingcandie



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Post-Nuclear War, and honestly i cried writing this good luck pals, so basically they're watching their world end, the fact that they're alive is a miracle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 10:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7753894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drippingcandie/pseuds/drippingcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucky, John had told him, was a relative term. Sometimes John tells him that he would’ve wanted to be incinerated right there on the spot. Shadow left staining whatever surface he was standing on.</p><p> </p><p>or Alex and John watch the sunset as the world ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot was inspired by the prompt: Imagine your OTP watching the sunset as the world ends.
> 
> It's exactly what it sounds like.
> 
> Wanna really cry? Listen to Saturn by Sleeping At Last while reading!

“I feel fine.” John says as they sit on the hill.

 

Alex tries to ignore the obvious crack in his voice. Nothing was fine, nothing at all. It is so hard to ignore the pain. Pain was all they had felt these past few days.

 

They were both lucky enough to be far enough away from the blast when it happened. Lucky, John had told him, was a relative term. Sometimes John tells him that he would’ve wanted to be incinerated right there on the spot. Shadow left staining whatever surface he was standing on.

 

John Laurens was a fighter, Alex would admit that. John fought as hard as Alexander did, but his motives? They were quite different. Alex once fought to be a martyr, but he grew out of it. It was nothing but a phase for him. Alex fought to survive. John, on the other hand, never had a martyr phase. That was just who he was.

 

John fought for everyone. For the people who couldn’t fight for themselves, for the people who were too lazy too. For people who were perfectly capable. Back in the day, John fought in bars for the fun of it.

 

Now they’re sitting out on a hill, sharing the last swigs of a bottle of whisky. Alexander Hamilton can say what he’s never wanted to say. He has seen the fight seep out of John Laurens.

 

John had always wanted to go out fighting. John had always told Alexander about the blazes of glory, covered in someone else’s blood, maybe his own. He had called himself a monster when he admitted it. Alexander just pushed his hair away from his face and planted a small kiss on his forehead.

 

Alexander Hamilton never imagined sitting on the hill, sharing the last swigs of a bottle of whisky with the love of his life while watching the sunset.

 

He laughs bitterly at that. In his head, it’s painted as some romantic picture. But it’s really not. The scene is anything but romantic, it’s agonizing. Alex looks over at John, his dear Laurens, and tries to go back months ago. The notion is easier said than done. His brain doesn’t work like it used to.

 

Months ago they were in college, joking around on John’s dorm bed. John had a full head of curls, glowing skin that was dotted with freckles, all of his teeth. Now when Alex could get him to smile, it exposed gums. There was no reason to push hair back from his boyfriend’s face anymore because it was patchy, missing in so many places.

 

Alexander isn’t looking so good himself. His hands shake and he has trouble walking. Most of his hair is gone but he is still adamant about attempting to pull the thinning strands back in a ponytail.

 

“Alexander,” John breathes out. “Want the last drink, darlin’?” Alexander squeezes his eyes shuts and tries to imagine the toothy grin. He accepts the bottle and gets the rest of the amber liquid down.

 

Alex can’t believe that John even offered him the last drink. John would do anything for a damn drink any other time of day. To obtain what they even had, John had to go to an old abandoned building filled with squatters. Almost got himself killed, almost left Alexander.

 

“Do you think we’ll see the stars tonight?”

 

The wistfully quiet question jars Alexander from his thoughts, and he raises his eyebrows. He remembers the nights shortly after. It felt like winter. There was nothing in the sky but white.

 

“Maybe, my dear Laurens, maybe.” He tried not to answer with definites anymore. Alex always told things how they were, not how they should be. He stuck by that for as long as he had been in this damned country, He was never really hopeful.

 

“Did you know,” He gives up his sitting position for laying in the fried grass or whatever was left of it. “That if we do, they’re all dead? Like their light just keeps going. And we see them. Like,” He pauses and furrows his brow. “Like those legacies you used to always talk about.” John seems distant, far off, not present.

 

Alex lays a hand on his forehead, practically feels the man falling apart beneath the gentle touch. “Could you say that again, dear?”

 

“I was just saying how like, I know you’ll laugh.” John struggles through his sentence and gives up halfway through. “We’re kind of lucky to even exist right now. You know? Despite the circumstances.” He let’s out a cough. This is the roughest Alex had ever seen him, but it’s not like he could expect the condition to get any better.

 

“And like,” He still pushes on despite Alex’s protests. He regrets asking him to continue, putting John through more pain than this needs to be. “The stars. They just keep going. Like, there’s something after death for them.” This time when he expels air, blood comes with it.

 

“Shhhh.” Alexander presses a finger to his lips as the sun sets over the barren wasteland in front of them. He wishes he had a pen or paper or any luxury at all in that moment.

 

He wanted to write down John’s words and set them in stone. It seemed to be the only thing the blast didn’t take with it. It had taken the trees and the animals and now it was taking John. It was taking Alex too.

“Thank you for giving me your time, Alexander.” John mumbles. He huddles up with the blanket that he had used for cover when the blast first hit, it gave him security. John, majoring in biology at the time, knew it served no real function, but still picked it up anyway to give him peace of mind.

 

“It was a privilege, my dear Laurens.” He thumbs one of the few curls left, drags his thumb across the bridge of John’s now pale nose.

 

“I love you,” It’s labored and heavy, doesn’t sound like his Laurens at all. His breathing is slowing. Alex becomes frantic, because no. He knew this was imminent. He knew that this would happen, but not like this. John wouldn’t get his blaze of glory. Alex always thought he’d be the first to go. Whether from sleep deprivation, forgetting to eat, silly things now that he thinks about it.

 

“I love you too, John.” He feels the breaths starting to die out. Alex wishes John would close his eyes. Even asks him too. He refuses and says the sunset is too beautiful. Alex’s heart seizes when the doe eyes become glassy. “Adieu, my dear.” He whispers, gently shutting the man’s frozen eyelids.

 

He prays. He hasn’t done it in a long time, but he thinks about what John said.. Says. Alexander wants to truly believe that John isn’t dead, that he is still carrying on, John isn’t gone, because the stars keep going.

 

After his prayer, he gets to work. Finds a large stone, then a smaller one that gives off a rusty dust when pressure is applied. Writes to write legibly, almost forgets how to write at all.

 

 _John Laurens & Alexander Hamilton, _scratches the years they were born. What year he thinks it is. He uses the strength he has left to set it a foot away from John’s head. Looks at it one last time before laying down beside his Laurens.

 

Alex takes one last look at him, let’s it sink in before replacing that image with a smiling John in his head.

 

“I will see you on the other side.” He whispers before drifting off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me/send me prompts on tumblr @anoldsong


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